I am so sad

[sonia]

I am new to the forum but have followed this site for a while. I don't know where really to post this so hope i am in the right place??

On Friday i had to have my lovely Troy put to sleep and i am heart broken I loved him so much and feel really guilty about having him put to sleep. I have one other retriever at home he is 4 and is missing Troy so much, i just feel so helpless and need somewhere to talk about Troy.

For the last year he has found it increasingly difficult to get up, his back legs letting him down, once up he wasn't to bad. On friday he had me up at 5.30am wanting to go out, then i heard his being sick. I went back to bed thinking he was OK, when i got up he looked really confused and at first i thought he couldn't see me or focus, he could get up so i helped him. When my OH came home we took him the vets, not knowing what to do for the best as his quality of life wasn't as good and we had watched him go down hill slowly. I know he was in no pain, but he couldn't get himself up any more

I stayed with him whilst they put him to sleep and now i feel so guilty, as if i have murdered my best friend. I just can't stop crying....
So sorry to go on but know you will understand my pain.

[Cobi and Ginnies Mum]

Oh Sonia, I went through these terrible feelings when we had to have Ceili PTS over 8 years ago, she went downhill rapidy in 8hrs, from leaping on the bed in the morning and playing with Abigail to not being able to walk without bumping into the walls or focus at 7pm, a visit to the vets at 8.45pm and then sleeping downstairs (not sleeping but watching her) until 2.45am and having to carry her (my husband travelled in the estate part with her whilst I drove to the vets) and then having to come away without her, she was 13 almost 14 but so fit and active for a dog of this age, having Abby had kept her young (we've always had two goldens) and then over the next few days Abigail made it clear that we had taken her best friend away, and would walk out of the room every time I walked in, so after a couple of weeks of this treatment I rang Jan, and 3 months to the day of losing Ceili we collected Ginnie, happiness again for Abby after a couple of grizzles and barks, a heck of a distraction for us as we had to teach an adult dog that it was loved again and could trust us, after being ill treated.
Sadly we lost Abby at 10 years (another great shock,she was at the vets hospital for 5 days before we had to make that terrible decision, and we had lost Jasmine 11 weeks earlier she had come to live with us after my sister could no longer look after her due to her domestic circumstances) BUT we contacted Jan and a week after Abby had died we collected Cobi, so Ginnie had a new pal and we had another distraction our loss.
I can still get upset for every dog that we no longer have, but I have so many photographs, and often look at them, upsetting at first but eventually time does help, it doesn't heal but they are remembered in a different way.
Having a vet that you can trust and be guided by when that awful decision has to be made helps in a very small way, I know others reading this will be in tears the same as me when I read your story about Troy, you just can't help feeling like this when you love dogs so much, but it is the last kindess that you can do for your dog.

[lynn wise]

Sonia,
So very sorry to hear of your loss. Most of us on this site will understand your pain, and will be feeling for you and yours. If it helps, you did the right thing at the right time with your Vets guidance. In time, you will I am sure realise you did right by the lad. But, it will take time to heal. As Lynda says, you will still feel sad at times when you remember him, and the wonderful times you had together. By the sound of things, he had a good life with you, be eternally grateful to him for sharing it with you. The end is never easy, but when they have been good to you in life, repay them equally when the bridge is in sight. We owe them that last act of love.
I'm also sad to read his pal is fretting, lots of love and cuddles will do you both a power of good I hope. There is always someone on site to "speak" to, should you feel the need.
Lynn.

[sonia]

Thank you both for listening to me during my moment of grief, i do feel a little better today although still get very choked up. I know this is all part of the grieving process as have been though all this before when we lost Luke, he was 6 and died infront of us early one morning. I will never forget that day, it was so distressing for us and for the poor Luke At least Troy went peacefully.

We watched Troy fret for Luke and where worried we would lose him at that time so hence we got Brad after rings Jan to ask if anyone had puppies in our area. We also got Troy through Jan as she gave us the breeders details, so we have a lot to thank Jan for I am giving Brad lots of cuddles and he seems a little better, just seems to be listening all the time for Troy as he followed him everywhere.

I love looking at all the pictures of your dogs they are so handsome and beautiful. I couldn't imagine life without one by my side

Lynn and Lynda thank you for your support

[janrobinson]

Hello Sonia, I am so sorry to hear about Troy but as everyone says you have made the right decision. It may not seem like it now but in time you will realise it was.

I always think we are priviledged to be able to help our oldies at the end to let them go with dignity and love and not be frightened. It is a hard decision to have to make but it would be even harder to watch them deteriate before your eyes. I know what I would prefer.

To let them go to sleep quietly and peacefully is the last loving act we can do for them.


Jan

[hairydog]

As others have said we have all been there at some point and all been through it, we love them so much we want them to live forever but as we all know they dont.You gave him a wonderful life, and he was with you at the end.
As the days go by it will get easier,then when you feel ready to move on you will...bury them in your heart and they will never leave you...

Hope the attached poem helps you...


My best friend closed his eyes last night,
As his head was in my hand.
The doctors said he was in pain,
And it was hard for him to stand.

The thought that scurried through my head,
As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
And Oh...his many charms.

Today, there was no gentle nudge
With an intense "I love you gaze,"
Only a heart that's filled with tears
Remembering our joy-filled days.

But an Angel just appeared to me,
And he said, You should cry no more,
God also loves our canine friends,
He's installed a doggy -door!

by Jan Cooper

[Cobi and Ginnies Mum]

...a box of tissues please....

[CarolynM]

Sonia, I am so sorry to hear about Troy - we have all had the joy of goldens and the heartbreak when we have to make that awful decision but you did what was right for Troy.

We lost little Alex a couple of months ago (she was 13 and we only had her for 5 months), the day before we had found a lovely country walk together and she was great but went downhill rapidly and we made the kindest decision for her (although it didn't feel like it to us).

Soon you will be able to smile at your memories

xx

[janrobinson]

Kathryn that poem is just so lovely. I am still in tears typing this.

[sonia]

I am so glad i posted as you have all helped me so much Its helpful to share my thoughts with people who understand the bond we have with our goldens. Jan you are so right i couldn't watch him get any worse, would of been so much more heartbreaking. I am sure Troy will be running around with Luke now, something he hadn't done for a long time.

Kathryn thank you for sharing the lovely poem with us, its so so apt.
Carolyn sorry to hear about Alex, i am sure you have some lovely memories even though she was only with you for a short time.

[lenny]

Sonia, so sorry to read of your sad loss of Troy. I can only echo the thoughts and comments of all the others, When it was time for our Sunny it was the most heartbreaking thing for me to do,but I know it was the right time as he was starting to suffer and would only suffer more as time passed, when he could not get up himself and I saw the helpless look in his eyes,we both new it was time. Your story has brought it all back and as others have said tears are streaming down my face as I type. I now have two new special goldens, thanks to Jan but Sunny like Troy will always be rememberd .You made the only decision you could make you loved him and for him it was the right time. We all share your loss and hope in time your memories are more of the good times, you shared with him

[Connie]

Dear Sonia,

"A loved one is not gone untill forgottened. And to live in the hearts of those who love them is to live Forever"

by in memory of pets.

I had also been in the same situation. It is very hard and I and others who love our pets like our very own member of our family truely understands.

Take care. xx

[sonia]

Thanks Lennie and Connie for your wise words. I do now feel a lot better and am starting to rememer the fun time We collected his ashes on Christmas eve, they are in a lovely wooden engraved chest. I don't as yet know what we will do with them, at the minute they are in the conservatory.

Brad is doing much better and is eating well, just a little quiet still but suppose it will take time.

Hope you have all had a lovely Christmas x

[janrobinson]

I always feel better when I have the ashes back as I feel they have "come home"

Take your time in deciding what to do with the ashes. too soon to make a decision yet.

[Cobi and Ginnies Mum]

Sonia,

I've got 3 little wooden boxes with brass plaques on, they are on top of a teak unit in the lounge with one of their small favourite toys (Ginnie and Cobi have never been allowed to play with it) and an A4 framed photograph of each dog in front of their casket, so that visitors can't see the caskets. (some might think it strange and macabre, but we don't) and when we finally know where we are likely to live we will 'plant' them.
I take them down and dust them, talk to them, don't get so upset as I used to, some people might find this strange.. still that's their problem.