One for pet owners

[lynn wise]

Here's one for all you pet owners...

To be printed off and posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by F1 and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's rear. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion pounds for university, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[Ellas mum]

Where ARE you finding these.....love em'

[janrobinson]

Love it.

[lenny]

Great post Lyn they are so true,why do some people exspect us to put the dogs in the back, Its our house and they are our dogs, they are only visiting. Rant over.

[Steve]

Great post Lyn they are so true,why do some people exspect us to put the dogs in the back, Its our house and they are our dogs, they are only visiting. Rant over.

Totally agree Lenny, when we were asked if JB could be put in another room I said of course he can no problem......And I went with him

[rosndog]

Very funny Lynne and covers all aspects of being a dog owner - thanks for the giggles
Ros

[lynn wise]

Love that one Steve
In my book, anyone who objects to a Golden isn't worth knowing, so there!!!! The other side of the coin, so to speak, the number of ooohs and ahhhs our 2 get is quite unbelievable. Although a while ago I got a right ear bashing from a lady that was cross that Woody was sat on a seat in the village with me, that was until I pulled out my duster and did the seat.
Takes all sorts

[bentley]

Sooooo funny!! I'll be blogging this, with your permission of course.

[lenny]

Great one Steve, I will use that one myself next time, will keep you posted.

[Steve]

Just to follow on, when I heard that this lady came to visit whilst I was at work...... and my beloved JB was banished to the Kitchen.......I had the kitchen door cut in half (barn door style) so he could still be part of the conversation, (Photo to follow if required)